Oh Daisy, I love this. Yes to the joy of writer friends. And yes to holding your hummus - any time. (Although as a rule I feel ambivalent about it as my husband and daughter are allergic to chickpeas. Weird but true. I refused to believe now-husband when he first told me. "No one is allergic to hummus!" I declared, giving him a patch test on his arm. (Alcohol may have been involved.) Which, ahem, reacted.)
She is on so many levels. I feel so ambivalent about podcasting and interviewing at the moment. It has quite literally blocked my fiction writing and now I’ve got the fiction writing back (a bit) the (invisible) work that goes into podcasting is such a drain.
Oh! That’s VERY exciting, about fiction writing! It’s protecting a tiny, flickering church tea light from the Great Big Gusts Of Other People (and great podcasts / conversations sound effortless/require tons of effort!) X
Oh I love this. Writer friendships can often be tricky and competitive I’ve found. Some people gauge worth according to your latest book sales and I hate that insincerity. An industry where people are always air kissing you regardless of whether they actually like you makes for a lot of confusion on who would hold your hummus. X
Yet again, you’ve nailed it Daisy. If we could all just hold each other’s hummus, the world would be a better place. And you’re welcome to my dresses, any time fwiw. 🥰
I loved this—and while I can personally attest that you are a brilliant host who does, in fact, make podcasting AND live events look easy—I also know how much hard work and time and effort and psychic energy goes into all of it, and you cannot just be giving that away to any old busybody who chats you up among the canapés. Boundaries, baby! 👏👏👏
I read Sittenfeld's piece today and I cackled at the hummus holding. Many (many) times, I have freely given my time and energy away to potential new friends, and hoped and expected something similar in return. So when the time and energy has not been reciprocated, I have felt sad and distressed.
It has taken years for me to figure out that a) I don't have the time or the energy to put my all into everyone, and b) that I really don't want to put my all into everyone! Also, it's fair to say that other people are not obliged to reciprocate - this has probably been the biggest eye-opener.
"Anyone will be your friend if you give them unlimited airtime. A great friend is one who understands that you need just as much space as they do."
Oh Daisy, this brought tears to my eyes - thank you for so beautifully nailing the complexities of friendship; making space for my own stories is something I struggle with so much. I feel seen ❤️
oh, and apropos of nothing, Daisy – I recall your experience of reading Bleak House was a a bit of a slog... If you ever care to revisit that story, it's free on Audible at the moment (Sam Mendes is the exec producer) and absolutely brilliant!
I mean, the podcasts do always leave the impression that it would be great to sit around talking about books with you! But obviously it's a lot more work than that, and from comparable experiences in other fields, I can imagine how awful it must feel when people just want to recruit you as a publicist.
As for that middle paragraph about friendship, though - oof, that hits hard! Being open to people and yet respecting boundaries is such a tricky balance, isn't it? But the hummus-holding is a good start!
Daisy, this is so beautifully articulated. My muddled thoughts about friendship made clear. X
Thank you so much - these ideas have been floating around in my brain for ages, and Curtis Sittenfeld helped me to put them in order! X
Oh Daisy, I love this. Yes to the joy of writer friends. And yes to holding your hummus - any time. (Although as a rule I feel ambivalent about it as my husband and daughter are allergic to chickpeas. Weird but true. I refused to believe now-husband when he first told me. "No one is allergic to hummus!" I declared, giving him a patch test on his arm. (Alcohol may have been involved.) Which, ahem, reacted.)
That is a truly tragic allergy. My condolences.
AND peas and lentils. The whole thing sounds made-up, I know. Hence my initial disbelief.
Oh NO! That allergy would break my heart, how I love a pulse! X
“I need to be creative and stop reading other people’s f**king memoirs.” Yes! I feel this in my soul.
When I read that, it felt as though KB had opened a window in my soul and skull. (Metaphysical trepanning - this is why she’s an ICON)
She is on so many levels. I feel so ambivalent about podcasting and interviewing at the moment. It has quite literally blocked my fiction writing and now I’ve got the fiction writing back (a bit) the (invisible) work that goes into podcasting is such a drain.
Oh! That’s VERY exciting, about fiction writing! It’s protecting a tiny, flickering church tea light from the Great Big Gusts Of Other People (and great podcasts / conversations sound effortless/require tons of effort!) X
Oh I love this. Writer friendships can often be tricky and competitive I’ve found. Some people gauge worth according to your latest book sales and I hate that insincerity. An industry where people are always air kissing you regardless of whether they actually like you makes for a lot of confusion on who would hold your hummus. X
I would ALWAYS hold your hummus JOM XXX
RIGHT BACK ATCHA Xxx
Love this (obviously!) There's always room for hummus (and metaphorical wine) in the caravan xxx
YES! I was thinking this is def a ‘wine in a caravan’ situation! X
Yet again, you’ve nailed it Daisy. If we could all just hold each other’s hummus, the world would be a better place. And you’re welcome to my dresses, any time fwiw. 🥰
I loved this—and while I can personally attest that you are a brilliant host who does, in fact, make podcasting AND live events look easy—I also know how much hard work and time and effort and psychic energy goes into all of it, and you cannot just be giving that away to any old busybody who chats you up among the canapés. Boundaries, baby! 👏👏👏
Wonderful post, Daisy!
I read Sittenfeld's piece today and I cackled at the hummus holding. Many (many) times, I have freely given my time and energy away to potential new friends, and hoped and expected something similar in return. So when the time and energy has not been reciprocated, I have felt sad and distressed.
It has taken years for me to figure out that a) I don't have the time or the energy to put my all into everyone, and b) that I really don't want to put my all into everyone! Also, it's fair to say that other people are not obliged to reciprocate - this has probably been the biggest eye-opener.
"Anyone will be your friend if you give them unlimited airtime. A great friend is one who understands that you need just as much space as they do."
Oh Daisy, this brought tears to my eyes - thank you for so beautifully nailing the complexities of friendship; making space for my own stories is something I struggle with so much. I feel seen ❤️
oh, and apropos of nothing, Daisy – I recall your experience of reading Bleak House was a a bit of a slog... If you ever care to revisit that story, it's free on Audible at the moment (Sam Mendes is the exec producer) and absolutely brilliant!
I mean, the podcasts do always leave the impression that it would be great to sit around talking about books with you! But obviously it's a lot more work than that, and from comparable experiences in other fields, I can imagine how awful it must feel when people just want to recruit you as a publicist.
As for that middle paragraph about friendship, though - oof, that hits hard! Being open to people and yet respecting boundaries is such a tricky balance, isn't it? But the hummus-holding is a good start!